Unknown Desires
by Doctor Boyfriend
Summary: Touya's in love... with his own worst enemy...


Author's Notes:   
  
The following was written way back in the day(I quit fanfiction in 2000). I'm mainly archiving it here so that I can have it up somewhere and hopefully people will enjoy it.   
  
This is a one-shot. I have no plans for a continuation, but if I did it probably wouldn't get done anyways.   
  
Disclaimers: CCS is owned by CLAMP... not me.   
  
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Unknown Desires   
  
     Touya was lying on the grass on the field of Seijou High School, nearby the border to his sister's elementary school. His hand was held just above his forehead, blocking the sun from his eyes as he sighed painfully.   
  
     *Why him?* Touya switched over to his side, letting out another sigh as he continued to torture himself mentally. *How could I have fallen for him?!* Biting his lip, he moaned in frustration, trying to get rid of what plagued him. It was his 18th birthday and he had stumbled upon a revelation.   
  
     He was in love.   
  
     Shaking his head, Touya sat up on the grass trying to refocus his mind. *Why now?* Touya winced inwardly at the bad timing of these new emotions which now plagued him, as well as the question now posed in his mind.   
  
     What would he do next?   
  
     Touya groaned and tried to stop thinking about it. After all, it was his birthday, so why should he spend his time thinking about what could only be called a doomed romance? It wasn't as though 'he' would return his feelings. No, not likely at all. There was no way that Touya would ever get to kiss those soft lips, gaze into those beautifully wide doe-brown eyes... Touya leaned back, letting himself fall back onto the grass, his thoughts slowly bringing him to the point of frustration, not noticing the light sound of footsteps coming up to him.   
  
     "To-ya." Touya turned his head slightly to the sound of a light alto voice coming towards him. It was Yukito, his best friend, carrying a huge bag of food while smiling at him. Touya faintly smiled as he raised his hand in the air to wave at his friend. The other boy nodded and smiled back, his silver white hair moving slightly with the breeze. He closed the distance to where Touya lay, setting down the bag of food before kneeling down beside him. "Good afternoon, To-ya."   
  
     Touya managed a slight smile before he greeted his friend. "Hey Yuki." Inwardly, Touya smiled to himself grateful for the distraction that his friend brought from his thoughts. 'Yea, some distraction. Just look at the boy. He's gorgeous!' A small voice whispered in his head. Touya grimaced in response. This was not what he wanted to think about right now. It was true that Yuki was good-looking. Anyone could have seen that, just like anyone could see how incredibly good his disposition was. However, Touya just didn't feel comfortable thinking about his friend like that, especially when...   
  
     "To-ya? Are you alright?" Yukito leaned over where Touya was lying on the grass, a priceless worried expression on his face. Touya smiled faintly and nodded.   
  
     "Yeah. I'm fine. Don't worry about it." Touya reassured him. However, Yukito didn't seem convinced.   
  
     "Are you sure? Whatever it is, it really seems to be bothering you."   
  
     "It's nothing. Really." Yukito still didn't seem convinced but he nodded his head, knowing that if Touya really wanted to share he would later. 'Except you probably won't.' That voice began to mutter again. 'Face it, this is something you probably wouldn't even tell your best friend.' Touya sat up, shaking his head. Luckily, Yukito didn't seem to be paying attention; rather he was digging through his bag as if in search of something. "Yuki?" Yukito turned his head quickly and smiled sweetly, as if he was up to something. A few seconds later he procured a package of sorts and held it out to Touya.   
  
     "Happy Birthday To-ya!" Yukito handed the package to Touya, eagerly waiting for him to open it.   
  
     "What is it?" Touya asked while tearing away the wrapping. Yukito just smiled and shook a finger at Touya. Touya grimaced as he finished unwrapping the gift. "It's a soccer ball." Yukito nodded.   
  
     "Your old one seemed to be dying out from practice so I thought you might need a new one." Yukito beamed as Touya pulled the soccer ball from the box and began to twirl it on his finger.   
  
     "Thanks, Yuki." Touya put the ball away then looked up at his friend. The previous smile had gone away, now replaced by a slight look of apprehension. "Yuki, what's wrong?" The other boy shifted slightly, placing his hands on his lap.   
  
     "To-ya. There's something I need to tell you." The silver-haired boy looked nervous now. His head was held down, hiding his eyes and his thin framed glasses.   
  
     "Um, sure." Touya answered, somewhat nervous. What was on his mind before was completely cast out, including the taunting voice. Now he was only concerned for his friend.   
  
     "The thing is... I... It's very important..." Yukito shifted his hands again, this time to grab the cloth of his pant legs.   
  
     "So..." Touya urged on.   
  
     "The truth is that..." Yukito looked up at him now, his eyes showing hope and a bit of fear. "I love you, To-ya." And then without a second's hesitation he leaned over to kiss Touya on the lips.   
  
     "Yuki..." Touya whispered as his friend pulled away from him, eyes still closed. Touya waited. He wasn't sure what to say. Slowly Yukito opened his eyes, a small smile lighting up his face as he continued to look at Touya waiting for an answer. Now it was Touya's turn to look away. "I'm sorry, Yuki." Touya began softly, not quite knowing how to break it to his friend. "I do love you, but... only as a friend." He looked back at his silver- haired friend, noting the tears that began to form in the other boy's eyes. He sat back helpless as his friend wiped the tears away with the sleeve of his jacket all the while still smiling at Touya.   
  
     "I guess I'm an idiot, huh?" Yukito laughed slightly at himself, still wiping away the tears. Touya felt his heart twist in his chest. He wanted to comfort his friend, but he found that he couldn't move. Still, he had to say something, to do something.   
  
     "No, you're not." Touya answered back softly. "I'm the idiot."   
  
     "Huh?" Yukito looked up, his tears momentarily ceasing. "Why do you say that? You're not the one just confessed their love to someone who doesn't feel the same way. So why should you feel stupid?" he asked.   
  
     "Because...you're really great." Touya responded. "I should love you... and I feel stupid that I don't." He reached out then, to brush away the tears that came out of Yukito's eyes. "I'm sorry." Yukito grabbed his hand and held it against his cheek for a few moments before letting it go.   
  
     "It's alright." Yukito assured him before smiling a bit more brightly. "We can still be friends though, right?" Touya smiled back.   
  
     "Yeah."   
  
* * *   
  
     Home. Touya sighed, grateful to be home as he placed his school bag on the ground before kneeling down to take off his shoes and placing them beside the door. He still was worried about Yukito. After lunch had ended he had tried to make sure that Yuki would be okay, but he still wasn't certain. His friend hid the sadness on his face soon after Touya had let him down. Touya just hoped that he didn't let it overwhelm him.   
  
     Picking up his bag he headed upstairs. Right now all he wanted was to be in his normal clothes and out of the school uniform. He wanted nothing more but to sit back and relax. It was his birthday after all, but it seemed as though today he wasn't being given the opportunity to enjoy it.   
  
     As he was about to enter his room, he heard the sound of voices coming from his sister's room.   
  
     "So, will you be able to come with me?"   
  
     "Oh, I don't know. I have baton practice after school. And I don't know if my brother will let me, since Dad won't be home till late." Touya edged closer to his sister's room, leaning on the door so he could listen to who was in there. "Maybe if it can wait until after I can get permission." The first voice belonged to Sakura for sure, but he couldn't place the other voice just yet.   
  
     "I guess so. We'll ask Tomoyo if she wants to come too. I just don't want to go with my cousin alone." Touya's heart momentarily skipped a beat. It was *him*. Without realizing it Touya whacked his head against the door to his sister's room, then as soon as it dawned on him what he had done he ran into his own room and shut the door.   
  
     "Oh god." He pressed his hand to his chest. His heart was racing a mile a minute. "What's he doing here?" He shook his head, trying to get the cobwebs out, trying to think. 'He's here to see her of course.' That small voice answered back. "Stop that." Touya growled. Inside he could feel the voice answer him back. 'I'm just telling you how it is.' Touya growled again. He hated it when his subconscious was right. Especially today. Why couldn't he just have a normal birthday? All he wanted this morning when he got up was a cake and maybe some ice cream. Instead he woke up to find himself wanting someone he couldn't have and also to the fact that his best friend was in love with him.   
  
     The fact that Yukito was in love with him wasn't even that big of an issue really, in a way he sort of suspected it, but he had never thought too much of it until today. Even still, it didn't weigh down over his bigger problem. Shaolan Li.   
  
     It was just a bit over a year since he had met Shaolan. It had been during an incident when he had found the other boy harassing his sister. It had seemed as though Shaolan was trying to attack her so Touya, like a good older brother stepped in. He remembered the brief look of shock on the other boy's face before he found himself blocking a kick to the face.   
  
     At the time, Touya had been severely pissed. He didn't like it when people tried to attack his sister, and despite how hard he tried to hide it, he was very protective of her. Yet still, that day, when he had gone to help her something struck him about the boy. Almost as though he wasn't so bad.   
  
     Later, his initial impression proved to be right. Shaolan and Sakura had become friends. He even went so far as to go out of his way to help her. In a way it was almost as though he and Shaolan were alike. Perhaps that was why... He shook his head again, trying to shake out of his thoughts. The other boy didn't or wouldn't return his feelings, no matter how much he hoped. He knew that much already. And by now they had settled into the steady yet healthy pattern of giving each other death glares in the other's presence. Almost as if they were protecting territory, although the real reason Touya did it now was so that the other boy wouldn't notice how he felt.   
  
     "Brother?" There was a light knocking on the door. "Are you there? I need to ask you something." Touya whacked his head softly; she had probably heard him hit his head against her door and was wondering why he did it. Walking over to his door he opened it. Sure enough it was Sakura.   
  
     "What do you want monster?" He asked, adding a sneer to his face as he teased her. Predictably, she got upset.   
  
     "I am not a monster!" She yelled back as she tried to stomp on his foot. He barely managed to get it away in time.   
  
     "Okay, fine. What do you want?" He asked. He kept his face neutral; he wasn't about to let his sister know just how unnerved he was.   
  
     "Well, I was wondering since Dad wasn't going to be home until late tonight if it was okay with you if I went with Shaolan and Tomoyo to the airport to pick up his parents. They're flying in from Hong Kong." Touya thought about it for a moment before answering. On one end, he didn't want his sister to go; it was his instinct to watch over her. On the other hand though, he saw no reason to say no, especially since Tomoyo would be there. He was just about to give his reply when Shaolan stepped out of her room.   
  
     "Hey you, what are you doing here?" Touya asked between clenched teeth. Inside his heart was speeding up and he was feeling nervous, but he didn't want it to show. He did the only thing natural for him. Death glare.   
  
     He got the same glare back in response. "Sakura asked me over to help her with math homework. Don't worry, I was just about to leave." Shaolan bit back. The two maintained their staring war for a few moments longer before Sakura stepped in.   
  
     "So, is it okay?" Sakura asked, hoping to change the subject. Touya grunted, turning away from Shaolan.   
  
     "I guess so. Just make sure this brat doesn't try anything, and Tomoyo's there," he responded.   
  
     Sakura squealed in glee. "Thanks!" She grabbed her brother and quickly hugged him. "I'll make sure Tomoyo's there, so don't worry." Quickly she touched Shaolan's shoulder. "I'll walk you home really quick, okay? We'll discuss the details on the way." Shaolan nodded turning away from Touya as well. "I'll be home in just a bit, Brother. Just in time for the party, okay?"   
  
     "Alright. Be home quickly." Touya shut the door, listening to the sound of footsteps go down the hallway and down the stairs towards the door. As soon as he heard the front door shut he thwacked his head against the door once again. "Why didn't I do anything different?!" He chastised himself. He walked over to the window and watched the two walk away from the house. He caught Sakura wrapping her arms around Shaolan giving him a gentle hug and he knew. "They belong together, don't they? I wouldn't even stand a chance." Touya sighed, watching the two go out of sight. "Now I know how bad Yuki felt."   
  
* * *   
  
     Outside, Shaolan released a sigh as he exited the Kinomoto home with Sakura. "That was close." He placed a hand on his chest as he sighed again. Sakura came beside him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, a light smile on her face along with a slight look of concern.   
  
     "Why don't you just tell him?" Sakura suggested, pulling Shaolan into a light hug. "At least he'll stop death glaring at you. And who knows, maybe he won't mind." Shaolan's eyes widened in absolute fear.   
  
     "I can't do that! No way! Out of the question!" Shaolan pulled himself out of Sakura's embrace, an incredulous look in his eyes. "Things are bad enough as they are. If I tell him that I... I..."   
  
     "Love him?" Sakura finished. Shaolan nodded, lowering his head to stare at the ground.   
  
     "At least this way, I can see him." He whispered. "Even if it's only at a distance."   
  
     Sakura nodded slightly, understanding silently. She understood Shaolan's feelings on this all too well. Maybe because she had the same feelings about him. Even so, knowing full well that he liked her brother instead she wanted to be beside him, even if it was only as a friend. "Want to go for ice cream?" She smiled, changing the subject away from such a gloomy topic.   
  
     "But don't you have to go home after you drop me off?" Shaolan asked, perplexed.   
  
     Sakura smiled sweetly. "Yes, but we can just pick one up on the way. They won't mind if I take a few more minutes. You just seem to need it." Shaolan smiled back, grateful that Sakura knew him so well. She was the best friend he had, and they'd been through everything together in the last year. Perhaps, with her help someday he'd have the courage to tell her brother how he really felt instead of hiding.   
  
     "Thanks Sakura." Shaolan said, secretly making a promise to himself.   
  
     Someday.   
  



End file.
